“Tell me to what you pay attention, and I will tell you who you are.” ~Jose Ortega y Gasset
I had two dear friends of mine die from cancer in the past decade.
I was blessed to have been able to spend quality time with each of them—Alan Mirabelli in Ottawa, and Christina Martell in Mexico—and wrote a book about that experience.
The message from them both was the same: Stop wasting time. There’s no time for bullshit, not anymore.
Bullshit included complaining, speaking ill of others, worrying about crap you can’t control, watching aimless TV, being ungrateful, or wasting energy on petty frustrations.
They had no more time for anyone who wasted their time; they had no time for people who perceived themselves as victims.
Life, the little bit my friends had remaining to them, was too precious—far too precious—to squander on those who clung to their protective bullshit.
As Alan told me a month before he passed peacefully in his bed, “I guard my attention like a hawk. Where my attention goes, my energy follows, and I have to guard what little bit I have each day very carefully. I have no space for anyone or thing who drains that dwindling resource.”
Too bad it takes knowing you’re dying and have limited time to refine one’s clarity on boundaries and healthy input systems.
But here’s the thing: You (and I) ARE dying, bit by bit, every single day. Sorry, but that’s the truth.
Yet, I venture to guess that few if any of us are as careful with our attention, and our energy, and our intake systems, both physical and emotional, as those who have been told they have nine months to live.
So, for those looking to notch up their “live in the moment” and “be present” game, I make this suggestion: Pretend you’ve been told you’ve got less than a year to enjoy your family, your livelihood, your friends, your community, your world…
No, really, do it now, just for 30 seconds.
Pretend.
Pretend you’ve been told by a doctor you have cancer, it’s inoperable, and you’re on you’re on your way out. You’ve got maybe nine months…
Go. I’ll wait……..
…………….
…………….
Now, here’s my question. “What is no longer important enough to you to squander your precious energy on?”
Not “what would you do?” or “how would you spend your remaining time?” Everybody goes for the bucket list of big things—where they want to go, what they want to see.
I’m talking about what would change inside you?
How would an awareness of your impending exit alter your perspective?
What kinds of conversations or activities would you no longer partake in?
What kinds or comments and criticisms would you no longer give weight to?
Who would you want to spend time with? It may surprise you—it might not be your family.
Because your attention is too precious, life is too precious, to be wasted away with the banal, the trivial, the energy-drains.
And there’s a finite amount of time available to you; the curtain will close on the story of your life one day, guaranteed.
I mean, it’s your play. And you’re the playwright and star. Are you enjoying it?
So, pay attention to what feeds you, not what drains you.
Because if it feels like bullshit, it probably is, and if you pretended along with me well enough, you, like Alan and Christina, will no longer have time for it.
Just think of the energy you’ll save.
“Life gets mighty precious when there’s less of it to waste.” ~Bonnie Raitt
Image above is the Hartford Stage Company’s mural, painted by Michael Rice.
