“How, when, and where you say something can actually be more important than the message itself.” ~Anne Bruce
Effective communication depends far less or the actual words we use to transmit our message, than it does on the timing and tone of them.
Both of which improve in direct proportion to one’s emotional intelligence (EQ).
The first two aspects of emotionally intelligent people—self-awareness and regulation—predict how effectively people will be able to communicate in emotionally charged conversations.
When we add a third component, empathy, communicating with another person can become authentic. Not necessarily void of disagreement, but civil, clear, and compassionate.
Those are the conversations that count.
But creating a climate of collaboration comes at a cost: Time.
Yours.
And effort, also yours.
And lastly, choice; also yours.
Seems you are the chef of all the conversations you cook up.
Team leaders, parents, and people from diverse communities and cultures would be well served to remember that exercising those three characteristics creates a space safe enough for comprehension and cooperation to occur.
Trying to absorb, reflect upon, and clarify large bodies of information is a lot like trying to gobble an entire meal in two bites; you’ll probably get indigestion.
It’s best to eat a big meal in a series of smaller bites. Which requires time.
However, the pay off is worth it: people listen to you when you need them to, after you’ve listened to them when they needed you to.
Modeling matters.
It takes time to listen to others. To hear what they’re trying to say, and more, to even want to take the time and make the effort to do so.
We all know the feeling we get when that person you work with—you know, that person—comes at you in the hall with a follow-up to a previous conversation and your heart sinks because you’d rather eat glass than have an interaction with that person at that moment. But there’s no avoiding it.
That’s the moment that costs you, short-term. But the pay-off long-term is worth it: you build trust.
Time, effort and choice: it’s how real conversations are created.
“The words a leader speaks are important, of course. But how they’re delivered can make all the difference, especially in tough times.” ~John Baldoni
